You Left
by theSunlitEarth
Summary: "You left." "I'm sorry, Lily, I-" "No, no you're not sorry, and don't even try that on me. Don't act like you can just say sorry, patch up my heart with one word and expect everything to be perfect again."
1. Chapter 1

"You left."

"I'm sorry, Lily, I-"

"No, no you're not sorry, and don't even try that on me. Don't act like you can just say sorry, patch up my heart with one word and expect everything to be perfect again."

Lily started to close the door of her flat that was situated just on the edge of the London city limits.

James shoved his Armani loafer in between the door and the frame just before she closed it. "Lily, listen to me."

"No, James, I won't listen to you." She glared down at his foot with disgust. "Get you thousand dollar shoe out of my doorframe before I break your foot."

"Lily, a wise woman once told me that when girls tell you to get the hell away, you try even harder to stay."

"Don't go throwing my own words back in my face." Lily pushed the door against his foot but got only a small wince out of him. "You won't get me to love you again and you sure as hell won't get into my pants again."

James sighed as Lily kicked his foot viciously out of the doorway, badly scuffing his new shoe. She slammed the door in his face, the peeling white paint only inches from hitting his nose. James turned around and sat on the short concrete step in front of the door, careful not to get any dirt on his jeans. They cost a lot more than his shoes did. He looked around the yard. The grass looked like it hadn't been cut for years. Garden tools lay abandoned in the small plots of dirt that made up a sad excuse for a garden. The paint on the whole front of the flat was peeling. When James got up, flakes from the door where he had been leaning back on it clung to his jacket.

He didn't know what else to do and he wasn't going to leave, so he went on a quest, searching for a lawn mower. He supposed he could just use magic, but he figured a mower would be less suspicious to the old man who sat in his front yard in a lawn chair. He was pointedly watching James, and he had a feeling the man had watched Lily slam the door in his face and was waiting eagerly for another showdown.

Lily clearly didn't have any sort of lawn mowing device, so he took off his jacket, laid it neatly on the front step and walked across the street to ask the neighbour if they could spare a mower.

James didn't see Lily at all as he mowed the lawn and generally cleaned up the yard. He wiped his hand across his forehead, making his hair stick straight up in the front, wishing he could have just used magic. It was a little too humid out to be mowing the lawn.

He returned the lawn mower to the neighbour with a thank you and an elaborate bow. The woman, maybe in her forties, giggled while her husband cast glares at James until he was well away from their house and back in Lily's front yard.

The sun was setting; it had taken a good three hours for James to make Lily's front lawn presentable without the use of magic. He was sure he didn't look half as put together as he had when he'd arrived.

He went back to the front door none the less. He picked up his jacket and knocked three times. Lily opened the door moments later, also looking much more dishevelled. She looked at James like she was about to cry.

"I can't do this now James. Please just leave." She leaned against the doorframe; light purple circles had formed under her eyes.

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

Lily groaned. "Why can't you just go?" She dropped her head to her chest and when she looked up, she saw her front yard. The grass, which had been nearly knee height, had been neatly trimmed, all the gardening tools had been put away and the garden beds had been turned. The dead flowers in the pots by her front door had been removed and replaced with, Lily assumed, a little magic. Now lilies grew in the pots, surrounded by cascades of pink hydrangeas.

She looked at James, narrowing her eyes. "Why?"

"Well I wasn't just going to sit on your front step for three hours. Thought I'd do something useful."

"Well that's a first," Lily muttered.

"Can I come in? Please? Just to talk. I won't try to convince you of anything or change your mind. I just want to talk to you."

Lily looked at him, a sudden spark of panic in her eyes. "Um, no. Couldn't we just…talk here? Or something?"

"What's wrong with inside?" James asked, frowning.

"It's…messy." Lily glanced back inside furtively.

"Do you not remember my dorm at Hogwarts? Come on, Lily, just let me in."

Lily opened her mouth, but the noise that came forth was definitely not from her. It was a baby, starting to cry with that hiccupping sob.

James' eyes widened. Lily closed her eyes, running her fingers through her tangled red hair.

"That's why," she said quietly.

"Lily," James breathed. "What…?"

"You might as well come in now. Just to talk though, no funny business."

James shook his head, still mesmerized by the baby's cry as it grew louder.

Lily led him to what passed as a family room, shutting the front door behind her. The flat was so much smaller than James was used to and just as messy as his dorm at Hogwarts had been. Toys and clothes were scattered everywhere. A pile of clean clothes took up half of a small old loveseat that had once been new leather but was so worn now that it looked more like rhinoceros skin.

James sat tentatively on the loveseat. There was no TV in the room. He waited awkwardly while Lily entered the kitchen to tend to the baby. He couldn't see into the kitchen, a doorframe without a door was the only open space.

Lily came back, a black-haired baby in her arms. His tiny hands were curled into fists, gripping the fabric of his blue footed pajamas and his eyes were closed. James assumed he had gone back to sleep.

James immediately jumped to his feet and offered Lily the spot on the loveseat while he sat in an old chair that probably used to belong with a dining room table. Lily sat wearily. James was unable to take his eyes off the baby.

Finally, he gathered the courage to ask the question that had been burning inside of him since the baby's first cry.

"Is it…?"

Lily nodded. "He's yours." Her eyes were so conflicted James couldn't figure out how she felt about it.

"What's his name?" James asked reverently.

"Harry," Lily said quietly, looking down at her son.

"Do you think…?" James started to ask, leaning forward slightly before leaning back and shaking his head. "Never mind."

"What?" Lily asked. "You want to hold him, don't you?"

James shrugged sheepishly, his hand flying to the back of his head, playing with his unruly black hair.

"You still do that? Shouldn't you have grown out of it?"

James forced himself to put his hand back in his lap.

"I'm being overly nice. I think I'm just overtired," Lily said as she got up, shaking her head. "Here," she said, carefully holding Harry out. "Be really careful; make sure you support his head and neck."

James took Harry, holding him like an ancient relic, like one wrong movement and he would just crumble to dust. He cradled Harry to his chest and he could feel the baby's tiny heart beating against his own. A quick, tiny drumbeat and a strong steady one.

Lilt had watched him warily for a moment, like he might just throw the baby across the room, but the expression of wonder on James' face convinced her that it was safe for her to sit down again.

"So if you're here to talk, let's talk," Lily said, her eyes hard.

James, unable to tear his eyes away from the baby, nodded dazedly. "Alright."

Lily shook her head. "Why did you leave?" she asked, her gaze on his face, gauging his expression.

James looked up at her. "I left…because I had to. I didn't want to, Merlin knows I didn't. And if I had known…" he trailed off, looking back down at the baby. "If I had known I had a son…"

"Why did you have to leave?" Lily scowled at him. "You aren't answering my question."

James squirmed in his seat and, almost as if he sensed his father's discomfort, Harry started to cry. James looked at Lily, a panicked expression on his face as she came over and took Harry back. He calmed down as she shushed him and rocked him back and forth in her arms. She cast a quick glare at James, reminding him of her question.

"Right," he muttered. "Well, I left because…because my parents told me to." His cheeks flushed red as Lily stared at him in astonishment.

"They…they were being influenced by You-Know-Who somehow or another and they told me that I couldn't be with a…Muggle-born."

"And you never thought to question this?" Lily asked, trying very hard to keep her voice down so Harry wouldn't start crying again.

"They're my parents…"

James, you're an adult! You don't have to listen to everything your parents say. If you had really, honestly loved me, you wouldn't have left, no matter what!"

"If I had known, Lily…" James said, looking helpless.

"Yeah, but you didn't! And that shouldn't have mattered! While you were off…globetrotting and buying fancy shoes with your family fortune, or whatever, I've been living here in this bloody horrible flat trying to take care of a child all by myself! A few more weeks and I was going to go home to my parents, even though when they found out I was pregnant and unmarried they all but told me I couldn't come back! You know how they are." Lily closed her eyes and a tear slipped down her cheek. She wiped it away furiously.

"Lily, I'll buy you anything you need! I'm so sorry I left!" James jumped to his feet, looking at her pleadingly. "I just want to help."

"You know your puppy dog eyes don't work on me," Lily said, but she sounded uncertain. "Alright, look. This is what's going to happen." She glanced at her watch. "You stay here tonight because it's late. You can sleep on the couch after you've folded all this laundry." Lily motioned to the pile beside her. "When Harry cries, _you're _going to get up and deal with him."

"What if he's hungry? I can't…"

"Deal with it," Lily said. "I haven't slept well since he was born."

James nodded, looking frightened.

A tiny smile crept across Lily's face. "You'll do fine," she said. "Now I'm going to put Harry to bed. You take a shower, you're a mess."

James got to his feet. "Where…?"

"Follow me," Lily said, looking a little exasperated.

Lily got up and led James down a cramped, dark hall to her room. She pointed inside. "The bathroom's to the left. There should be at least one clean towel in there. I'm going to move Harry's crib into the living room while you shower."

James nodded and entered the room behind Lily. She snapped on the overhead light and a dim glow filled the room. One of the light bulbs had clearly burnt out.

"You can change that light bulb too, when you get the chance. I think there are new ones in one of the cupboards in the kitchen."

The room was a lot neater than the rest of the house; Lily clearly still liked her sleeping space clean. That being said, there wasn't actually a lot of stuff in the room at all. A dresser, a bed, a bedside table with a lamp on it, the crib. A small bookcase with books spilling off the shelves. That was the only part of the room that James identified as being truly Lily. Otherwise the walls were bare and were painted a dull white color.

Lily lay Harry in his crib, then began to dig through the bottom drawer of her dresser. Eventually she pulled a white cotton t-shirt and a pair of red plaid pajama pants from the very bottom of the drawer. She handed them to James, not meeting his eyes.

"Those are yours," she muttered, a slight flush creeping over her cheeks. James only just noticed it in the dim light.

"You still have these?" James asked, taking the clothes with surprise.

"I used to sleep in them. When I had resigned myself to the thought that I would never see you again, I couldn't bring myself to throw them out. So they've been there for a while." Lily got to her feet, not looking at him. "I missed you," she said so quietly that James almost didn't hear her. "Now go shower." She pointed at the bathroom, glaring at him.

James nodded, backing toward the bathroom. He turned around and entered the cramped space, shutting the door behind him.

"And I missed you more than you could ever know," he whispered.

**Thank you so very much for clicking on my story :) This started off as a drabble, then became a one-shot and now it's definitely a more-than-one-chapter story. I'm not really sure if this is AU or not. I don't _think_ so, but I'm not sure. Anyway, please let me know what you thought! The next chapter will be posted soon! Oh, and if I made any mistakes, _please_ let me know!  
**

**~TheSunlitEarth  
**


	2. Chapter 2

When James left the bathroom wearing the pajamas, his clothes tucked under his arms, a rush of steam followed him. He was pleasantly drowsy from the warm water. Even though he had only taken about ten minutes in the shower, Lily was already sound asleep, wrapped up in her blankets. James walked over and looked down at her, then at the place in the bed beside her longingly. He settled for leaning down and kissing her cheek lightly.

"I love you," he whispered, hoping that she would give him a chance to say it to her face at least once more. Then he left the room, closing the door behind him.

The crib sat in the middle of the family room and was fairly large for Lily to be moving all by herself. Then he noticed the wheels.

Harry was sleeping peacefully on his stomach, his tiny hands clenched into fists. James dropped the clothes that he had come in on the floor, sat on the couch and, for a long time, just watched the baby sleep. He couldn't believe that he had a son. The thought hadn't even occurred to him that such a thing could have happened while he was away. But now, right before his eyes, a baby with hair as black as his and eyes as green as Lily's lay sleeping just a few feet from him.

James folded the pile of clothes on the couch absently as he thought about how he could possibly get Lily to forgive him. She had every right to be mad. When he really thought about it, James figured that he should have guessed that his parents weren't themselves. The blank stares and long pauses between words. He had just been so wrapped up in Lily and in Auror training that he didn't notice. He should have questioned their sudden dislike of Muggle-borns. They had always loved Lily. He had been a bloody fool to listen to them.

When the last shirt had been folded, James took of his glasses, placed them carefully on the ground and lay down on the couch. It was too short, his feet hung over the edge, but he was so tired it didn't matter to him. He was asleep in seconds, despite the constant mutterings of his mind.

()()()()()

James woke to the sound of a baby screaming, which was a first for him. He'd never had any brothers and sisters and he'd never had to deal with a baby in any way. He sat bolt upright before he realized that it was a baby crying and not a fire alarm.

It was pitch black outside as James got to his feet and scooped Harry out of his crib. James held him carefully, trying to quiet him so that Lily wouldn't wake. He tried rocking the baby and talking to him quietly, but it didn't have near the effect it did when Lily performed the same action. The screaming lessened, but didn't stop. James sat on the couch, still rocking the baby, and began to sing quietly. Harry's cries began quieter as he stared up at his father with big, green eyes.

_Wanderers this morning came by_

_Where did they go_

_Graceful in the morning light_

_To banner fair_

_To follow you softly_

_In the cold mountain air_

The baby's eyes eventually began to droop closed and James stood carefully, laying Harry back in his crib. He turned around to walk back to the couch and caught sight of Lily vanishing down the dark hallway back into her room.

James smiled.

()()()()()

When the sun finally rose, James' tired brain had exhausted its supply of songs to sing. He was curled up on the couch, watching Harry sleep enviously when Lily walked into the room, wrapped in a pink robe, her red hair a mess. James thought she looked beautiful.

She sat on the edge of the couch, careful to keep at least three inches between them.

"That was the best sleep I've had in a long time."

"I'm so sorry I left you. I can't even imagine doing this by myself every night." James looked up at her. She did look significantly brighter than she had the previous evening.

"Well, had I known that all I had to do was _sing_ to him…" Lily looked down at James, a smirk on her face. "You did better than I expected you to. Maybe there's hope for you after all."

"What does that mean?"

Lily shook her head. "Nothing."

"You know, I never even _looked_ at another girl while I was gone. I always intended to come back."

Lily sighed. "James, please don't. You broke my heart once already, don't do it again."

James scrambled into a sitting position. "I'm not kidding, Lily. I always intended to come back. I didn't apparate onto your doorstep by accident."

Lily picked up his glasses off the floor and handed them to him. "You should probably go. I'm sure someone's missing you."

James shoved his glasses onto his face and stared at her in alarm. "I'm not leaving you here in this crappy flat to take care of a baby all by yourself."

"Well, you can't stay here," Lily said, crossing her arms. "I've survived this long on my own, I can carry on fine."

"But I thought…"

"You thought that I'd take you back just like that and that we'd get married and live in a charming little house somewhere in Godric's Hollow where you'll teach Harry how to ride a bike and I'll make Christmas cookies and we'll all live happily ever after, yeah? This is the real world, James. There's no such thing as happily ever after." Lily got to her feet, her crossed arms almost hugging herself instead. James had a sudden urge to wrap his arms around her, but he repressed it and got to his feet instead.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, gathering his clothes that he had left floor into his arms. "I'll go, if that's what you really want."

Lily nodded, not looking at him. "It is."

James bent over the crib, committing the face of his baby to memory, touching Harry's cheek lightly with his forefinger, then turned on the spot, apparating home.

He didn't see the single drip down Lily's cheeks, darkening the dirty carpet.

**The song lyrics are from _Tiger Mountain Peasant Song _by Fleet Foxes. Such a good song. Anyway, sorry that this chapter was so short, it was just a nice cut off point. I hope you enjoyed it, please let my know what you thought by clicking that lovely REVIEW button down there.**

**~theSunlitEarth  
**


	3. Chapter 3

James did indeed have a house in Godric's Hollow. He had bought it a little over a year ago, when Lily had still loved him. Before he had messed it up so badly he was pretty sure he didn't deserve to be alive anymore. Someone should hit him with Avada Kedavra and be done with it.

He had bought it as a surprise, a gift for her. On the fireplace mantle sat a small velvet box with a diamond engagement ring in it. It had been there since James moved in and was now covered with a fine layer of dust. He remembered trying to plan his proposal. If he thought about it for too long, he would start hyperventilating. Now he just felt like crying. He knew she would be mad, but not so mad that she didn't even want to see him. He didn't count on having a child in the mix.

But he knew now that he couldn't possibly stop trying to get Lily back. Even without Harry, James would have tried, but now he had to try doubly hard.

James sat on the couch in the family room of his house. It was nearly twice the size of the room in Lily's flat. A fire crackled in the fire place as James contemplated how to solve his problem.

()()()()()

When Lily opened the door for him two days later, she actually groaned.

"I thought you'd left for good," she snapped.

"I've come with a proposal," James said before spluttering, hoping she didn't think that he meant an _actual_ proposal. "I mean, an idea," James amended.

Lily crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe, a sigh escaping her lips. "Alright, let's hear it."

James' eyes lit up. "Alright, so, you and Harry can go live in my house in Godric's Hollow, and I'll live here!" He looked so much like a kid at Christmas that Lily rolled her eyes and a tiny little smile spread across her face.

"You actually have a house in Godric's Hollow? That was just the first place that came to mind earlier."

James nodded eagerly. "Will you do it?"

"Why are you even suggesting this?" Lily asked, eyeing him suspiciously. "Is it some sort of old Marauder trick or something?"

James stared at her. "I'm hurt that you would even think that." He gestured at the flat with his hands. "This is no place for a child to grow up. And it's no place for…you to live either." He caught himself before he said 'the girl I love'. He wasn't sure how she would take that.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "You're being totally serious…" she muttered.

"Of course I am!" James said. "I know you think I'm terrible, and I agree, but that doesn't mean that I won't take care of my son and his mother."

Lily eyed him. "Are you sure?"

"Yes! If I wasn't I would have left already."

"Ok, well, how are Harry and I going to get all the way to Godric's Hollow. It's not like I can disapparate with him."

James pointed behind him at a red Camaro.

Lily's eyes widened. "That…an expensive car, James."

James nodded, looking impatient. "Let's just pack your stuff." He walked past her into the flat. Lily almost protested, but she knew she needed help packing anyway.

James found Harry fast asleep in his crib. He rubbed the baby's back lightly before turning to Lily. "What can I do?"

Lily had dug a bag out of the hall closet. She pointed at the piles of clothes that still lay where James had put them after folding them. She tossed him the bag and he caught it awkwardly, knocking his glasses askew. Lily snickered.

"How did you get to be Chaser anyway?"

James scowled, affronted. "I was a very good Chaser and you know that."

"Yeah, remember after that one game when you were particularly excellent…?" she trailed off her smile fading.

James nodded. "I remember," he said solemnly.

Lily looked away, her cheeks flushed. "Anyway," she said loudly. "I'm going to pack up my room, yeah? Watch Harry for me."

James nodded as she disappeared around a corner. She had brought up that night when they had first…

James forced the thought away, covered it in memories of Quidditch drills. No use dwelling on the past. He shoved the clothes into the bag rather forcefully.

When Lily had finally packed, she came back into the family room and shoved her bags into James' arms.

"Do you have a pram?" he asked over the stack of bags as she picked up Harry.

"No," Lily said. "I've never needed one."

"I'll get you one," James immediately offered.

"James, let's just go before I change my mind."

"What about a car seat?"

"No. I don't have a car."

"You need one," James said. "Otherwise it's not safe." He awkwardly pulled his wand from the waistband of his jeans and pointed it at the chair in the room, transfiguring it into a car seat.

Lily shook her head. "Still showing off your transfiguration, huh?" She put Harry into the car seat anyway and followed James out to the car.

The loaded everything into the car, switching out the bags James had stuffed in the back for Lily's bags. He lugged his suitcases into the flat and Lily locked the door once he was out. She handed him the key. They got into the car and soon they were headed to Godric's Hollow.

()()()()()

The car ride was long and awkward. They didn't talk much. The only thing that broke the silent tension was Harry's cry coming from the back seat every once and a while.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Lily said suddenly.

"Why?"

"Because I'm setting myself up for you to break my heart again, that's why."

"I'm not going to break your heart," James said, feeling a little like a broken record. "I promise. Oh, here we are." James pulled up in front of a beautiful house surrounded by a neatly trimmed hedge.

Lily gaped at the house. "This is…"

"Yours," James finished for her. "It's yours. Same with the car." He handed her a key ring with two keys on it, then got out of the car. He opened the trunk and lifted the bags with his wand. He pushed open the wrought iron gate and walked up to the front door. He unlocked the door with his key, pushed it open and set the bags inside. Then he took the key off his key ring and walked back to the car where Lily stood, watching him incredulously.

"This is the only other key to the house. Keep it somewhere safe." He pressed it into her hand. "I'll check on you in a week," he said. He smiled at Lily, who could only gape at him, and turned on the spot, apparating back to Lily's flat before she could say anything.

**Sorry these chapters are so short! I feel kind of bad, but the cut off points are so good! Anway, I hope that this was good, because I don't want to let anyone down. I am trying my best! Please let me know what you thought and thank you so much for reading!**

**~theSunlitEarth  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**I guess I should let you all know, just in case, there's a little bit of goryness in this chapter. Just a little tiny bit, but I don't want to get in trouble. Although if you've read Harry Potter, which I kind of hope you have, you'll be fine. I just don't want to get in trouble with anyone so I'm just being careful.**

The flat really was horrible, James realized, as he approached his first month living in it. It was much too small and constantly dark, no matter how bright the sun was outside.

The only time he'd left it was to go make sure that Lily was alright. He didn't knock on the door or talk to her; he just peeked through the window and shoved a note under the door, letting her know which neighbours she could trust to watch Harry, where the best grocery store was and where she could find the key for his Gringotts vault. Things like that.

In the week she'd been living in Godric's Hollow, Lily already looked healthier and happier. James had watched her play with Harry for a minute, smiling as she flew him around the room like an airplane, before he disapparated back to the flat.

In the month that he had been living there, he had made some major renovations. He didn't know how long he'd have to put up with such a horrible flat, so he figured he might as well make himself comfortable. Most of his renovations involved knocking out walls with a sledgehammer.

The kitchen was now open to the rest of the house and, when he had gotten sick of the dark, James had knocked out some holes in the walls for windows.

After a day's work of putting glass in the holes that were now windows, James was sitting on the loveseat, which he had transfigured to look new. He had a bottle of firewhiskey in his hand and he couldn't even tell how drunk he was. He leaned back against the couch where he had draped some of the old shirts Lily had left behind. They had stopped smelling like her a couple weeks ago, but he left them there because they reminded him of her.

He took another swig of firewhiskey and was suddenly overwhelmed a desire to see Lily and Harry. Now that he had seen her again after his long vacation from her, it was like a drug. He _needed_ to see her. And he was long overdue.

His intoxicated mind didn't put much thought into whether she would want to see him or not. He didn't contemplate the dangers of disapparating while drunk. He just got to his feet, thought about his house in Godric's Hollow and turned clumsily on the spot.

After the inevitable squeezing in his chest, James felt pain sear down his right arm and continue straight down his leg. He tumbled onto the walk outside his house, landing on his back. A warm trickle of blood seeped down his arm and through his shirt. He knew that something was wrong, but his mind wasn't cooperating, he couldn't think of what might have happened. A groan escaped his lips as the pain intensified.

He wasn't sure how long he lay outside, but he noticed the cold. It was autumn; the temperature at night had been dropping recently. The chill gave him something to distract him from the pain in his arm and leg. He struggled into a sitting position to try and assess the damage.

Blood was seeping through his shirt sleeve, and his pants were wet and warm and sticky. Blood was beginning to pool around his leg and drip down his arm more rapidly. He pushed up his shirt sleeve; the pain caused stars to dance in his vision. He looked at his arm and almost passed out.

It looked as though someone had taken a knife and sliced an inch of skin and muscle off the top of his forearm. He was pretty sure that if he didn't get some help soon, he would bleed out, but the alcohol and the pain muddled his mind so much that he wasn't able to coherently think about the consequences of moving. He tried to stand, pushing himself up with his good arm and leg. He fell back down a couple times, and bright spots pulsated in his vision.

He was able to take a few limping steps on his third attempt, and he almost got to the front door. He fell just short, tripping and falling. He smacked his head on the pavement and blacked out for a few minutes. When he came around, the pain was still there. He considered hitting his head again to escape from it, but he had a vague thought that if he did that, he might die. So he struggled to his knees.

He was so close from the door, and with what felt like the last movement he would ever make, he dragged himself the two feet to the door and fell against it.

He slipped to the side when Lily opened the door, falling against the doorframe.

"James, what happened?"

She looked at his arm and the trail of blood behind him and he heard her gasp. "James, we have to get you inside. Just hold on. I'm going to bring you in. Wingardium Leviosa."

James rose slowly into the air, but the movement caused his arm and leg to droop and the pain grew to be so much that blackness eventually crept over his vision. The last thing he saw before he passed out was the doorframe of his house.

()()()()()()

James woke up in his bedroom, a few hours later, stiff and still in pain. He turned his head slowly to the right and saw blood on his sheets, but when he lifted his arm for inspection, it appeared to be attached and whole. He moved his leg too, albeit slowly. It seemed to be in working order.

He was trying to push himself up when Lily entered the room. She took one look at him and yelled for him to stop moving.

"You have to stay still," she said, running over and putting a hand on his chest, gently forcing him back onto the bed. "I only just healed you. I don't want anything to open up again." She sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at him almost angrily.

"What were you doing? You could have gotten stuck or killed!"

James frowned, "Wha' happened?"

"You got splinched, stupid," Lily said, shaking her head. She peered at him. "Are you drunk?"

"Mmm, a little," James replied. "I think it's going away…" He pressed his left hand to his head where a slight headache was beginning.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't apparate next time you can't even speak straight." Lily crossed her arms but James noticed an almost imperceptible shaking that spread from her arms to the rest of her body.

"You alright?" he asked.

"I should be asking the same thing."

"You're shaking."

"I'm not," Lily said, crossing her arms tighter to make the shaking stop.

"How's Harry," James asked, changing the topic.

"He'll be three months old tomorrow."

"Can I see him?"

"Later. When you aren't drunk."

James sighed. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing to do."

"No kidding. Why _did_ you do it?"

"I wanted to see you," James muttered. "I missed you."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "You missed me? After being without me for over a year, _now_ you miss me?"

"It was like the first few months after I left all over again. Being away from you is like going through withdrawal. Eventually I don't feel it as badly anymore, but for the however many months it takes, it hurts."

Lily frowned. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"You're still just like I remember you. You haven't changed a bit."

"Is that good or bad?"

"A little bit of both, I think." Lily shrugged.

"I'll take that. It's more than I deserve."

"James, I think that maybe I was…a bit harsh on you. I was just so hurt…"

"I know," James said quickly. He winced. His headache was growing worse. "You had every right to be angry."

"You need something for your head?" Lily asked, producing a bottle of painkillers from what looked like out of thin air. "Here."

James took the bottle with his left hand, then, against Lily's protests, pushed himself into a sitting position. He swallow three of the pills without water, then handed the bottle back to her. "Thanks."

"Yeah…"Lily said, watching him warily. "Is that a good idea?"

"I'm fine," James said, grunting.

Lily sighed. "Alright, just so long as you don't start bleeding or something again. And please, don't ever try apparating while drunk again. I've never dealt with a splinching before and I never want to again. I'm not a Healer."

"I know." James frowned. "So I guess I can catch a cab or something back to the flat…"

Lily closed her eyes and tilted her head back toward the ceiling. She let out a breath. "No, stay," she said after a moment's hesitation.

James looked at her, eyes wide. "Really? I can go, it's not a problem."

Lily smiled a little. "James, I'm not that cruel. This is your house, you have every right to be here."

"I made it your house."

"I can't just accept that. It's still your house. It still smells like you, it's still full of your stuff. I found your old broom in the basement. You won the last game of our last year at Hogwarts on that thing." Lily smiled a little. "That game was so intense. I'm pretty sure I lost my voice for a few days after."

"Yeah, and then it was kind of a sexy sort of raspy…something," James said, laughing.

"Are you kidding me? I sounded like a frog."

"No, you sounded so hot."

"That's such a lie," Lily said, a little too loudly.

"I never lie to you," James said.

Lily's smile faded. "You did. You said you were going to marry me. That you would never leave me."

James looked at her solemnly. "I guess that was the one time…it wasn't a lie when I said it."

"Well it's a lie now."

"The second half is. Not necessarily the first half."

Lily gaped at him. "What…?" She shook her head quickly. "I should go check on the soup. I made you soup. I thought you might be hungry. I'll be back." She jumped up like the bed had burned her and ran from the room.

James sighed. Why did he always say just the thing that scared her off?

**Thanks so much for reading. Review!**

**~theSunlitEarth  
**


	5. Chapter 5

Lily brought Harry upstairs the next morning. James was still asleep, snoring lightly, his black hair more tousled than usual. Lily thought he looked like a child, like he was still back at Hogwarts trying to learn Aguamenti, mix the right ingredients to make Amortentia, stay on a broom. She smiled and lay a wide awake Harry down on the bed in front of James. Harry waved his arms and his fist hit James in the face. Lily giggled as James blinked with confusion.

"What the…?" James forced his eyes open and looked at his son. "Did he hit me?"

"Yes," Lily said with a smile. "I think he's mad at you."

"What for?"

"For going and living in my flat when you could be here."

James frowned. "He doesn't know…" His eyes widened in understanding. "You want me to stay?"

"Well, I can't have you wanting to see me and splinching yourself again, can I? Also, I found this." Lily pulled a black velvet box from the pocket of her jumper.

James blinked, recognizing the box instantly. "That's not…you don't have to…I mean, I bought that a long time ago…it's not-"

Lily cut him off with a finger to his lips. She opened the box and looked down at the ring, admiring the way it glinted in the bright morning light. "James, I might not be…totally adverse to you…trying again. Sometime." She placed the box gently on the nightstand.

James pushed himself up, any lingering soreness or pain in his head forgotten entirely. "You're...this isn't just payback, is it? Because if it is, you're just being mean."

Lily smiled. "No, James, it's not payback, not in that way. I owe _you_, really. For all you've done for Harry and me."

"He's my son and you're the love of my life," James said before wincing, unsure of what her reaction would be to those words.

"I know," Lily said softly. "And…you're mine." She averted her eyes, a blush creeping up her neck and over her face. She picked up Harry, rocking him gently in her arms. He giggled, staring up at her with big green eyes, stretching his arms toward her. She smiled and held out a forefinger. Harry wrapped his tiny hand around it, holding tightly.

James picked up his glasses from the nightstand in a bit of a daze. It took him a couple tries to actually get them to perch on his nose. "Really?" he asked quietly, hope blooming in his expression.

"Yes," Lily said, glancing up at him from under her eyelashes. "Of course."

James couldn't supress the grin that spread across his face. If Lily hadn't been holding Harry he would have tackled her in a hug. Instead he reached out, brushing a stray piece of hair from her face.

"I don't deserve it."

"Yeah, you do." Lily smiled at him. "I thought about it a lot. Everyone deserves another chance, even if they did something incredibly stupid."

"I'll never leave you again, I promise," James whispered. "For real this time."

"You'd better keep that promise. Otherwise I'll kick your sorry arse."

James nodded. "And you would have every right to, but I'll make sure I never leave." He leaned forward but when his face was an inch away from Lily's, he paused. "Can I?"

Lily nodded and when his lips touched hers, it took her breath away.

**So, this was the last chapter and it's really short. I'm sorry that it took me so long, I wanted to write more but school got in the way and I think this is a nice ending (meaning I really don't have anything else in my brain in regards to this story. But I do like the ending). Anyway, thanks so much to everyone who read this, I really appreciate it. I hope you liked it!**

**~theSunlitEarth  
**


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